Attack of the Accidental Tomatoes

I was woken one day by my father, who had been visiting my house. He asked me about my tomato crop. I am no gardener and went outside, mystified, to see what he was talking about. Sure enough, growing in a line on a patch of sandy dirt outside were 10 or so tomato plants, many with small green fruit already in evidence.

We stood around scratching our heads until one of us spotted the obvious. The long narrow barren patch in the middle of my lawn had been caused by our sewer pipe rebuild of a month or two previous, in which we replaced with PVC an ancient tar-paper pipe, ruined by tree roots and leaking torrents of sewage into the ground. We turned this fertile soil over with shovels in the course of digging out the pipe and refilling the ditch, and the current theory holds that this brought close to the surface tomato seeds planted there by the old method that fruits of all kinds evolved to exploit.

That's right! WE planted them, every time we ate tomatoes and flushed the remains. Although some members of my family have expressed uneasiness at the history of this harvest, I'm sure that they'll taste far better than the supermarket product, cruel suggestions of the flavorful terroir coming through notwithstanding.

UPDATE: April 7, 2006

Fruits are being harvested and indeed they do taste better than commercial ones, like a typical tomato but more. Apparently we "planted" no less than three varieties: cherry tomatoes, nice mid-size round ones, and some kind of lobed Ugly-Ripe looking tomato.

Unfortunately, maybe 10% of my produce has been lost to boring fruitworm. Infuriating! Lecture me all you want on Organic Gardening, you lose your harvest and you'll be just as ready as I am to gas em' all and let God sort em' out! For now I've settled for moving the plants to the backyard (away from the sewer pipe insect-incubator) and tying them up higher to a plastic fence which I've installed (also keeping out marauding possums).

Three Comments So Far

April 28, 2006
Mr. Boring Fruitworm says:
I want to make two comments about your entry:
1) We are not as "boring" as you would suggest. We have quite a nightlife - at least when we have plenty of food and fresh air. (Thanks by the way for leaving the food!) At least our parties aren't as noisey as yours. We know how to have a good time without having the neighboors call in the police.
2) If you decide to use pesticides, we would like to ask that you use something directed towards mosquitos. They can be quite annoying during this time of the year.
April 28, 2006
Anonymous says:
And furthermore, I am not "Anonymous". I am Boring Fruitworm ... MR. Boring Fruitmworm to you!
August 22, 2006
Eiki Martinson says:
Anonymous: You are rather a smartass, as fruitworms go. That sarcastic voice and sense of entitlement can only come from years of training - perhaps even ... UNIVERSITY training.

If you are worried about pesticides, I recommend you to do your food gathering with an army of robot fruitworms constructed in your lab. I think you know something about this. ;-)

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